so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize