How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
