What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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