puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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