I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
