wanna go halves on a baby?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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