He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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