If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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