Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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