Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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