his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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