I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
