White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
