That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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