Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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