we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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