so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
