Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
