How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She told me I should be a condom model.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
