I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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