Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
