let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
