I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
