I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
