I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
