I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think this conversation is over.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess