Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!