Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.