Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize