so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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