Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
