He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
