I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
