I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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