the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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