I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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