So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
