I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
