i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
