I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
