I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my poor anus
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize