He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
