Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
