your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
