new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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