you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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