I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
