the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
