I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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