A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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