3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
