I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
