i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize