I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
