I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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