Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize