I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
