That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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