I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to have your abortion
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS