Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016