why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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Mom said you looked used
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.