I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.