Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
