it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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